Back to school or moving up or into a new school can be a very worrying time for both parents and pupils alike but one of the main concerns is Bullying. Most of us been bullied at school at sometime, in someway and we know exactly how children feel and react so please read this carefully, as this is a true parents guide to spotting and dealing with bullying.
Nobody wishes his or her child to be bullied and you shouldn't have to put up with it and nor should your child. But sometimes it's difficult to spot because your son or daughter keeps it hidden from you but their emotional distress will still be there. Bullying can be Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Racist or Sexual. It can happen at any age, from Nursery to High School and you must stop it as early as possible. Bullying can result in depression, low self-esteem, shyness, poor academic achievement, isolation and in the most sever cases even threatened or attempted suicide. Your child and the quality of their life cannot be subject to the whim or brutality of another.

1. Forget the myths about bullying

"I was bullied at school, it's character building" - yeah? What sort of character do you want your child to become? Depressed with low self esteem?
"He'll just have to learn to stand up for himself" - children who tell you they have been bullied have reached the end of their tether they are desperate for help.
"Tell Him to hit back - harder". Bullies can sometimes be bigger or tougher than their victims. Your child could get seriously hurt.
"Calling names can't hurt" - Bruises from blows heal, name-calling can leave scars for life. "It's just kids teasing" - Once teasing hurts it's no longer 'just fun' and must stop.

2. Look for the possible signs of bullying

Children may be frightened of walking to or from school, change their usual route, not want to go on the school bus, beg you to drive them to school, be unwilling to go out, feel ill in the mornings, begin truanting, begin doing poorly in their school work, come home regularly with clothes or books destroyed, come home hungry (bully has stolen money for food) become withdrawn, start stammering, become less confidence or outward going, become distressed and anxious, threats of or attempts at self harm, cry themselves to sleep, have their possessions 'go missing', ask for more money or start stealing money ( to pay bully), continually lose their 'pocket money' or allowance, have unexplained scratches, bruises, cuts or even begin to bully other children themselves or become aggressive and unreasonable and/or give improbable excuses to explain any of the above.

3. How you can help your child

If you are worried, ask him or her directly because bullied children are often frightened to tell what is happening. So be prepared for your child to deny anything is wrong at first but continue to encourage your child by saying you are concerned and want to support him or her. Take what the child says seriously but don't promise to keep the bullying secret. Instead reassure your child that you will help them sort out the problem. Perhaps your child is a perpetual 'targets' and is bullied wherever they go - it may be they struggle to talk or play with other children. So help them develop social skills by role-playing. (Pretend you are another child and help your child work out acceptable approaches). If you discover that your child is being bullied because of obnoxious habit (picking their nose for example) help them change this behaviour.
Bullying damages self-confidence so rebuild it by keep telling your child you love them very much and you are 100% on their side. Explain that reacting to bullies by crying or getting upset only encourages them. 'Targets' should try not to react to the bully's taunts because if bullies cannot goad their 'target' into a response they soon get bored.
Try and minimise the opportunities for bullying i.e. don't carry valuable possessions, don't be the last person in the changing rooms, stay with a group even if they are not your friends. If the bully threatens your child to get money or possessions tell them to give up what the bully wants. Keeping safe is more important than keeping things. Make time to encourage your child to say how they feel. Praise them frequently. Make opportunities for your child to do well i.e. let them help with house/garden/car and praise them. Give them responsibilities - it helps them feel valued. Sometimes 'targets' become withdrawn so invite other children round. At first just one at a time perhaps but later arrange group outings. Encourage your child to join groups where there is strong adult supervision. Encourage them to do things they are good at, and develop new skills - this will help their confidence.

4. How to approach the school

When you learn that your child is being bullied, keep a diary of incidents and make notes of all injuries with photographs and details of doctor/hospital visits. Additionally keep a note of everyone you speak to about the bullying and keep copies of letters you write. When talking to staff & try not to be aggressive, lose your temper, or shout & swear.

5. Progressive Positive Steps to take over School Bullying

Class Teacher - Contact the class teacher and request a meeting and ask for an issue to be investigated. Make a follow up appointment a week later to find out the result.
Head Teacher - If your child is still being bullied go see the Head Teacher. Make out a short list of points you want answered and ask to see a copy of the schools anti-bullying policy.
Board of Governors - If the bullying still continues contact the Board of Governors threatens Police involvement if there is no action.
Police - In cases of Assault/Theft your child has been attacked, or has had his property stolen, then report this to the POLICE even if the bully is under 10. Ask the police to make out a charge sheet. Getting the police involved frightens the bully and makes the school react quickly.

6. What can the school do?

If the school has an anti-bullying policy they must deal with bullying according to that document. Even if they don't have such a written policy all schools are expected to take the problem seriously, investigate the incident and interview bullies and 'targets' SEPERATELY. They then must interview witnesses and then decide appropriate action along the lines of-

• Obtain apology from bully to victim.
• Impose sanction against bully.
• Inform bully's parents.
• Insist on return of items taken.
• Hold discussions about bullying.
• Provide safe haven for 'targets' during school hours.
• Provide support teacher for victim.
• Encourage bully to change his/her behaviour.
• Hold meetings with victim's family to report progress.
• Inform all members of staff about incident.
• Keep a written record of incident and action taken.

7. Bullying outside of school

This bullying can be very hard to deal with especially if the bully (ies) parents won't intervene. Here are some suggestions for dealing with this problem. Keep a written record of all incidents and all of the people you talk to about the situation. Find out who is doing the bullying. If it is children from another school contact that school and ask them what they intend to do about it. Ensure your child maintains their self-defence/martial arts training - not to turn your child into Mike Tyson but to give them support, more confidence and make some friends. Inform the Police, talk to your Community Officer and ask for help Talk to witnesses of the bullying - would they be prepared to back you up. If possible video or photograph incidents. Bullies often stop when they think their actions are being recorded.
ALL physical assaults should be reported to the Police Take pictures of all incidents and a keep a record of medical treatment. Assaults are CRIMINAL offences you can prosecute.